There have been moments in my life when I didn’t think I would make it. Moments when I didn’t feel like my being could pick itself up from the floor and I couldn’t find the will to move forward.
In those moments, I discovered who my innercircle truly is. People prepared to see within me the beauty and remind me of my courage. People who knew my worth and were not prepared to leave me to wallow in whatever circumstances had brought me to that low. Those who reminded me that God is and always will be my anchor and that in him I needed to trust, that he wouldn’t give me something that I wasn’t fortified to handle.
These people have become my support group and it doesn’t matter what I do or where I go, I know that they will love me unconditionally. Having people who add value and who truly and genuinely have your back is so important in your growth. Knowing that you can trust them with all of you, the good, the bad, the ugly, that is what friendship truly is.
A little piece I wrote, after deciding to separate from my ex husband and walk away from a 13 year corporate career without knowing what I would do next or where I would end up. All I knew was that I needed to be true to myself and stop pretending to be someone that I wasn’t and create a space, a platform, where I would learn to love myself and do the things I love by surrounding myself with the right people.So, to those few who never stopped believing in me. Who reminded me who I was when I couldn’t bare to stare at my own reflection, who held me when I felt like being a destructive force of nature, who loved me, when I couldn’t love myself, who carried me, when I thought my life had ended.
Until our next encounter!
“In what I thought would be silence, yet instead, was replaced with a sort of barely contained excitement, felt by everyone by me, I found myself watching this reel, seeing the very many moments pass before me, like a movie projected onto a wall ;My being was torn between the past & the unknowing future, seeing myself in places people have yet to hear of, like a purgatory, constant back & forth in limbo, enduring moments yet to be experienced by some, broken into pieces in an unidentified location, On bended knees, praying to God asking for direction, clouded in isolation because the world seemed too scary, surrounded by self doubt because what could one person possibly add? Hating my reflection because I couldn’t stand who I had allowed myself to become, despising my weakness because how could anyone strong be so broken? Seeing so many arms holding me, embracing me when I was at my weakest, watching myself being hoisted by the few who knew & who were willing to stick around. Leaning on others strength when I felt like there was nothing left to live for, being reminded of my worth when the underworld tried to snatch my sparkle, reel after reel. Inundated, overwhelmed, All these things, all these moments, flashing by me, Feels like I’ve lived recurring lifetimes, All this while I’m listening to people congratulate me, Happy for these achievements, this moment, Because as I sit here I realize, That even though I experienced all of this, Even though the pain was unbearable, The loneliness a crude & constant companion, The isolation nerve wrecking, Something happened when I was at my lowest, I was broken, I was bereft, I was lifeless, I was lost, But in the whirlwind, Embedded in the faeces, Buried in debris, A single leaf started to sprout, & whilst the stem grew slowly, The roots became thicker and stronger, And as I embrace this time, This moment, this new book, I am reminded that I have been broken only to be moulded, I have lost only to appreciate & love selflessly, I have cried only to enjoy laughter & joyous moments . For I have found my true self, the epitome of my being, I have learnt, grown & flourished, and within these moments, I found my Innercircle within my reflection.”
By Anastacia Candice Julie